i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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