your parents love me but you hate me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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