did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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