Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
