Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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