that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
