Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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