Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
