Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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