i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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