Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
