I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
