why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
