Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
