Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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