what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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