Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
