i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
