You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
