girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
