You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
