i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
