She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
