she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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