It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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