I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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