Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
