Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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