I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
