OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
