How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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