he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
