Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
