If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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