Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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