she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
