: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
