I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
