hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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