I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
pray to the hookup gods
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
