I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
