Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
