I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
