Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
