Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
