Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
