Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
