You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
This house was built for laser tag.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
