We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
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Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
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You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize