I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
