k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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