I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize