you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
