I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I AM VODKA MAN
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
