Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
