May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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