She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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