Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
