she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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