Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
