is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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