I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
