Define "chronic" masturbator.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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