Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
