oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
