I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize