You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she pinky promised me she was 18
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
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Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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