I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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