She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
