Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
