so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
