I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Vodka?
Forever.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
