we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
