he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
