I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
How's work?
Spinning.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
