On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
