Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
