ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
