You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
